Monday morning dawns. At least I assume it did. A thick blanket of fog is coating everything, so I can’t entirely be sure. I may not even be in Maine any more for all I can see. Seems like a perfect morning for a boat cruise! And it’s chilly. Damp and chilly. Wasn’t it just like 100 degrees two days ago? GEE I SURE WISH I HAD A PAIR OF LONG PANTS THAT DIDN’T REEK OF URINE! WHY DIDN’T I BRING MY YOGA PANTS?! WHHYYY??!!  (The cabin I’m in doesn’t have a washer/dryer, and the thought of hand washing them in the same sink I use for food prep wigs me out a little. So I debate my wardrobe options. And I decide to wear the thin hoodie so that I can put my rain jacket on over it if needed. And then I get to the marina and realize I left my rain jacket back at the house. (This happens continually on the trip-I’m always in the wrong shoes, without my sunglasses, lacking a snack, you name it.)

So I get to the dock:

Looks great! Let’s set forth to learn about the local history and wildlife!

Off we go, and the nice park ranger is pointing out all kinds of interesting stuff like: “Look at this 100 year old lighthouse!”

And “Here’s a 6 foot tall osprey nest with a record THREE baby chicks!”

Uhhh…

So eventually we male it to Little Cranberry Island which is a cool little place seemingly trapped in time with no grocery stores, no banks, one restaurant (hope you like seafood), no services of any kind, and you can only leave once or twice a day on the mailboat (unless you have your own boat which I’m guessing many do).

Did I mention no grocery stores? This was the closest thing I found, where you can pony up $10 for a small jar of Kraft mayonnaise or $5 for a Diet Coke! Quelle horror!

According to some people I could be one of the proprietors. (Side note: Do you pronounce these two words the same? And if so, do you self-identify as an American?)

My favorite thing though HAD to be the random ass, DIY, homemade mini-golf course some dude had set up in his front yard.

I only HOPE these pictures can properly convey the hilarity:

And my personal favorite, Snake in the Grass:

Of course, in true Crazy Person fashion-he has also dubbed part of his house “Trump Tower”:

There was also a neat old church with some gorgeous stained glass windows made from sea glass and designed by local artist Ashley Bryan (who is an interesting guy worth Googling).

Later we sailed up Somes Sound, the only fjord on the East Coast, but the fog was so dense that all of my photos were worthless (in fact I could barely tell what they were looking back).

But the main thing we saw a lot of was lobsters. The place was lousy with lobsters.

Lobster traps on the water.

Lobster traps on the ground.

Lobster traps in use.

LOBSTER LOBSTER LOBSTER

So the trip wasn’t everything I’d hoped it might be, but it was pretty interesting, and I DID learn that sullen teen herring gulls will projectile vomit on you if you even think about fucking with them.#truefact

Afterwards, I FINALLY made it into Acadia National Park to drive the scenic loop road, but after stopping at the first overlook  and BEING PEPPERED WITH QUESTIONS AND RANDOM CHIT CHAT by some oddball park lady who had clearly been stuck out there because none of her coworkers could handle her anymore when all I wanted to do was read the sign and try and absorb the information for the love of god, we saw most of the rest from within the peaceful confines of Pearl.

See that island with the long sand bar stretching to the right? That’s what puts the Bar in Bar Harbor. More on that tomorrow.

The remainder of our evening was spent relaxing on our deck with the refreshments of our choice.